Vacation

The Brits call it "holiday." We call it vacation. The word gets its origin from the Latin vacatus which means "freedom from occupation." This week we have been on vacation. We went up to Big Bear Lake to a friend of the family's cabin. It was nice to get away and have nothing in particular to do; though I really don't think that is the case. You have to plan to do nothing. And nothing to do to one person isn't necessarily that way to another.

My idea vacation is not being on a schedule. I want to get up when I want to. I want to go, when I want to go and I want to do (or do not) when I want. All this changes when you have children. One of the things that I never read about in all the parent books that I've read is that you have to become an entertainment coordinator. Is this something new? I don't remember my parents having to plan every waking moment of my/their vacation. Maybe it's the way I've raised my girls. I don't know the cause I just know that it is reality. Maybe it's because when my family went on vacation together we generally went to my grandparents house in Missouri. Their house sat on 500+ acres with ponds, rocks, snakes, cows, horses, fields, bugs, creeks, and anything else you could ever want as a boy. My "entertainment" was to explore. Can we do that now-a-days?

Ashley made a valid point while we were away. She was not on vacation. She was away from the house and all, but she still did the same things she does when she is at the house. Zoe still needs 24 hour care. The older girls still need to get their hair done by her.

Ok here's a side note: I don't do hair, not that I haven't tried. My girls, you see, don't want me to do their hair. Ashley is very good at doing hair. I am not. I asked her one time why this is. She's never been to beauty school, I've never been to beauty school. She's never taken classes on the newest styles, I've never taken classes on the newest styles. I mean, for Pete's sake, it's only hair! Here's the difference: Growing up she had one of those barbie heads that you could style the hair and put on makeup. The only dolls I had was GI Joes and little green army men. They had plastic hair and blew up stuff.

She's right of course. I get the real break because I get to get away from where I earn my paycheck. As a stay-at-home mom, she doesn't. I got to go trout fishing with my girls. She got to change Zoe's diaper in a different place. I got to take the girls down a water slide, she got to child proof a different house. I read a novel (most of what I read is academic or related to what I am studying or preaching on) for the first time in a long time, she got to nurse Zoe at a higher altitude. Now don't get me wrong, I try to be as active as I possibly can. I cannot nurse Zoe. I do cook dinner and breakfast. I cannot put Zoe to sleep at night (again with the mammary gland thing) I do put the older children to bed. I feel bad. I want her to enjoy the vacation as much as I do, but it just doesn't work that way with a very young child. I also realize that there are more things that I can and should do, but I don't always take the initiative.

We are still on vacation. Today, back at home, we didn't really do anything. Ashley and I went and voted for our new mayor. Our other one quit and two other councilmen were convicted with some bad things and had to leave office. Ah... "America's Finest City!" Ashley and her mom went and got a pedicure. I played Mouse Trap with the older girls ( I lost). That was fun! We then went and toured a little bit of Del Mar (that wasn't all that fun). After dinner we walked down to our local Cold Stone for some great ice cream (that was fun).

I will make the effort for the rest of our vacation that my wonder wife gets a break from things that I can break her from.

Pray for me.

Not Using "No"

Well we packed up the family and headed for a road trip to Sea World yesterday. Ok, it's all of 5 minutes from the house, but to get 4 girls ready can take some time. We wanted to take Jane (see previous post) to see the big whale and all the marine life and goofy shows.

I told myself that I didn't want to say "no" today. My kids are always asking for this or can I buy that or something to that affect. I don't make a lot of money, but I'm happy. I don't buy my kids anything they want when they want it. If they want something bad enough, I make them save up their money to get it or they need to wait for a birthday or some other special occasion. They're actually pretty good and at doing that, but every now and then they get into the gimme, gimme, gimme mode. Also, they don't mind waiting in a long line to ride a ride (there are only two worth riding at Sea World: Atlantis and Ship Wreck Rapids). With us on a time schedule, I knew waiting in long lines could put a damper on the rest of the day.

The first thing they wanted to do was ride Atlantis. It's a sorry excuse for a roller coaster, but it works for them. Unfortuantly, Atlantis was broken down when we got there. They said is was going to be a half hour before it was up and running (it didn't start opperation until after 6 that evening). So I suggested, "Let's wait." The kids could go and see the commerson's dophins in the near by exhibit, Ashley could feed Zoe and I could sit and veg.

A half hour passes and no activity could be seen in the Atlantis compound. Needless to say we never rode that ride. By the time it was up and running and we got over there, there was a 90 minute wait and it was already 8:00 pm. It just wasn't going to happen. When I broke the news to my two old and tall enough to ride, I was expecting the normal deluge of tears and tantrum that happens on occasion, especially when they are tired. It didn't happen, they understood and were totally cool with it even though they were disappointed. I think most of that had to do with my attitude through out the day. I tried to steer and guide them into making the right choices so that the word "no" wouldn't have to be uttered.

I really don't like to use the word "no." Unfortunately, as of late I have found it spewing from my mouth more than it should. My children need my direction and guidence not my road blocks.

What a weekend

Living in a city such as San Diego presents itself with many opportunities for fun. With the country's best weather, some great beaches and great fishing, it can be hard to decide on what to do. Traditionally in the summer months we venture to the beach on Saturdays along with all the other thousands of people. We know where to go, what time to get there and what time to leave as to avoid the chaos that can happen. We have it almost down to a science, but with the new addition to the family, we have to retool some of the finer points. We took a trial run this past Tuesday and things went pretty smoothly. Feeling ok about everything, Saturday I went fishing with a dear friend off the coast of La Jolla in the kelp beds. Wake up time was 3:30 AM and we were on the water by 5:00 with hooks in the ocean by 5:30. It was a good day to catch fish. My wife, Mother-in-law, Jane (who I might add is the best around), and three girls went to the beach for a day of fun in the sun and surf. In my selfishness, I convinced Ashley that everything would be ok with me not there and that she would have a great time.

Not!

Well, they did have a great time, but the problem was with Zoe. She's a strange sleeper and really doesn't like to get her routine messed up. It seems to be an impossibility for her to take a nap outside of the house. So, for the 6 hours on the beach, she didn't sleep. [Now you have to understand that she is only 8 mos. old and really needs her morning and afternoon naps.] If she doesn't get the opportunity to nap she becomes very fidgety and, at times, cranky. Needless to say that after keeping a motherly eye on the old two and then having to deal with Zoe on a constant basis, Ashley became exhausted.

When I arrived home with a smile on my face from a good day fishing. I could tell something was up. Luckily Jane suggested pizza for dinner so that no one would have to cook or clean. Seven-thirty rolls around and I fall into a coma. Ashley is in the other room, feeding Zoe and trying to get her to go to bed for the evening, so I say goodnight to all and retire to bed for the evening. Selfishness again. For some reason Zoe has decided to forgo sleep altogether and stays up until 10:00 PM.

I am married to the most unselfish woman I know. She could have come into the bedroom and woke my lazy, no good for nothing, fish smelling butt up; she didn't. When I found out about all the chaos the next morning all I could do was give her a hug and tell her how much I love her.

I will try not to be so selfish with my time and hobbies. I really try to be a dad, parent and husband who is involved with his family. Sometimes though, I just blow it.

Did I mention it was a good day to fish?

Boys Will Put You on a Pedestal (so they can look up your skirt)

I didn't make that up. It's an old Steve Martin joke and the title of a book I'm reading by Philip Van Munching on A Dad's Advice for Daughters. He tackles subject matter ranging to just stuff, a broken heart, how to find faith, or as Katie Couric writes in the forward, "why it's a really, really bad idea to get a tattoo." (I have a tattoo, but I do like his logic). I'm always looking at improving my parenting skills, especially when it comes to girls. I was, obviously, raised a boy and really, even after being married for 13 years, have very little insight into the psyche of the female mind. I recommend this book to any one who has a daughter.

A Question I'm Asked a Lot

I'm often asked if I wanted any of my three children to be a boy. Well the answer is yes. I always thought of having a boy that I could take fishing and play football with. But the question never really satisfies the answer. I couldn't be more delighted in my three girls. Hannah was the only one we didn't know the sex of. When she was born, I was thrilled. Never have I wished for anything different. Mackenzie came a long and we couldn't have been more please to have a sister for Hannah. When Zoe came around and we found out that she was going to be a girl, I was ecstatic. I know about this girl raising thing... a little. Sometimes, when I see all the girl toys around the house, I look at my wife and say, "Tonka toys!" It's just tongue-in-cheek because before you know it I'm having a tea party with girls and loving it.

As far as the fishing and ball playing go, my girls love to do stuff with their dad. We went fishing last Sunday evening off the OB pier. There were quite a few anglers at the end of the pier and hardly any of them were catching anything worth keeping. That is until we showed up.

I had taken the girls (Hannah & Mackenzie - Zoe is still to young to figure it out) fishing before but they weren't interested in the fish as much as they were with the neat things you can find on the pier. This was different. I had been fishing a couple of times this year and always came home with a jackpot fish. The girls were excited and wanted me to teach them how to catch something that tastes so good. I rigged up one of my smaller poles with a weight and taught them how to cast (over head casting is a no, no on the pier, but people do it anyway so watch out for me) and real in the line. After they had mastered catching the limbs of trees and overhead wires, I figured it was time to catch fish. So on that beautiful Sunday evening when nobody was catching anything, my girl, Hannah, caught a 15" sand bass! The other neighbor anglers were amazed and jealous. They wanted to know everything we did to catch that fish. You should have seen my girls giggle with joy. (note to self: next time bring a camera!)

What's With the Title?

The 2nd most important thing in my life is the title. You see, it's the title of my life. I am married to the most wonderful, understanding, awesome woman in the world, Ashley (girl #1). And I have three exciting, thrilling, beautiful, never-a-dull-moment girls: Hannah (girl #2), Mackenzie (girl #3) and Zoe (girl #4). I also have a cat, but I tend to ignore her as much as she ignores me.

My most important role in life has change dramatically. When I first became an independent man, it was about me. What did I want to do, become, eat, go. When I married my beloved that changed to: What do you want to do, become, eat, go. What shall we...? Now that I'm a father, that has changed again and keeps on changing as they get older.

I've been a dad for 8 years now. When my oldest was born it was the 2nd happiest day in my life. I looked at Hannah, fresh from a place of security and warmth, all covered in birth stuff, and I realized that I didn't know what to do or how to do it. I didn't want to make mistakes in raising her and I didn't want her to see my imperfections. I remember the smell of her breath, it was pure. No carcinogens, smog or polution had entered her lungs. It was sweet and full of life. I wanted it to stay that way. The role of the father, the dad, is to protect, provide and guide. Could I do that with any success? Mackenzie was born 3 years later. I was making a good attempt to get the dad thing down. I made mistakes, but luckily Hannah was still alive! I did the same thing when Mackie was first out of the womb. I smelled her breath. Zoe came along 4 years later and her breath was as sweet. You see that breath is my prayer, it is the hope that I have for my children and for myself as a father and for Ashley and I as parents. It is the hope that we can raise our children, our life's blood, in a world full of chaos, corruption and uncertainty. It is my prayer, that through all the junk, through all the lies that are thrown at us, through all the propaganda and spin, that they will become women of noble character and virtue. It is my prayer that my children will see others for what they truely are, children of God, and the each one of us has a purpose and that God has a plan for our lives. That is my job and I want to tackle it with everything that I have. At the end of my life, I want the headline of my obituary to read: "He was a good dad!"

So this blog will be about my attempt at being an good father and husband. It will be about my struggles and hopes and dreams. It will be about my victories and failures and disappointments.

Enjoy